i, my friends, am exhausted.
i have nothing left. no, that's a lie. i have lots of things...
like bags under my eyes, a constant state of drowsiness
and lest we forget apathy...my newest friend and comrad.
my emotions are king and i feel that
on this torturous road of apathy, i drag myself along...
i pull myself just enough to read a little for this class,
take deep breaths before i pull myself to the next class
prepare myself for the next paper to write that slightly sounds like the last....
until i saw this.... (the canvas not the cowgirl hat)
and so i was sitting in my room the other day (a rare luxury i can tell you that right now.)
and i just stared overwhelmed by life and i thought perhaps i should create something or paint something or draw SOMETHING. but i just ended up staring. daunted by this piece of clean and crisp perfection. nothing but canvas and wood. what was i so afraid of??
i didn't know how to continue its perfection through acrylic paints or anyother thing for that matter. What ever i did to add to it would only cause imperfection. I would mess it up. I would fail. and fail miserably. i couldn't live with the pressure. if someone came in and saw it in its state of creation BEFORE it was finished - what would they say??
would they even put any hope in my abilities or was it all hoax of gifts to beginwith?
what would my identity be? why does it matter???????
so here.
so here. my first mark.
my first step.
to overcoming a multitude of fears.
process of documentation to follow....with each lesson i will add a mark or image, etc. and then take a picture. exposing part of my soul to your judgement, your criticalness, your lens and taking a chance to be vulnerable and let you watch the work in progress of this canvas as God is working on me.
